Drinking and Telepaths Don't Mix
by The Bud
Summary: Um, there's not alot I can say about this, just something I wrote so that people can laugh. Have fun.


You know by now I'm going to tell you that I don't own this and beg not to be sued.

Drinking and Telepaths Don't Mix.

"Happy New Years!" A drunken Cyclops belches as he hoists his can of Champaign in the air and vomiting down Emma's white halter-top. "Oh, sorry honey!" He exclaims, trying to mop up the regurgitated little weenie chunks, chips, salsa and alcohol. He lingered quite a ways longer than he should have with his hand down her shirt, never realizing that Christmas hadn't even gone yet.

She blushed red faced and mortified as she searches for the party responsible for her husband's behavior, starting with the obvious. The telepaths. After, of course she changes her shirt, feeling that at Logan's after Christmas party, vomit on her shirt would be considered a come on.

"You're under the mistletoe." She hears somebody telling her slurring as she heads to the bathroom to put on her spare outfit.

"What?" She looks above her head to see the accursed tree parasite hanging there. Some prankster has hung a piece on the doorway to the bathroom, darn opportunist. "I'm married, slag off."

"Yeah, I know." She's spun around and Scott's nasty pork and salt and bile tasting vile mouth instantly covers her mouth completely.

"Are you doing this to everybody?" She gags as she wipes her mouth on Scott's sleeve.

"Yup. EVERYBODY!" He giggles like a little schoolgirl as Gambit passes through to drain away the night's libations. After witnessing what happens next, Emma has to run to the bathroom for her own modesty.

Upon releasing herself from the bathroom, she finds Scott hanging by a foot from where the mistletoe was. Against her better judgment, releases him and attempts to get him home before he molests someone else. Somehow, he's managed to score another drink with a cranberry floating in it. At least she hopes it's a cranberry.

Before she knows it, he's on Jean like drunk on drunker. Logan, who tied him up in the first place starts rolling around on the floor laughing so hard that he pees his pants and beer comes out his nose after seeing Cyclops get his worse nightmares about a naked Corsair and Professor X explaining that Scott now has two daddies. And thanks to the many overindulged telepaths in the room, the nightmare becomes everybody and everybody becomes a Summers. Scott even manages to knock Jean up while she's not looking.

Then Emma finds out from Nightcrawler's broken mind that her and Scott's marriage wasn't valid because he forgot to send in the papers and kicked his ass.

Anyways, upon knocking Jean up, which she didn't find out about for months because she's so wicked skinny that she went into a kind of secondary Amenorrhea, but eating all that good food Logan cooks, had actually given her enough body fat to resume. Jean had to tell Logan that she was pregnant with someone else's baby, and because it happened when she wasn't looking, thought a klingon did it and beat Warf severely.

Gambit, however remained confused about the hallway kiss from earlier, but that could be expected because Scott kisses like a girl. So he tries to prove his masculinity by grabbing hold of Emma and kissing her and liking it.

"What are you doing?" A male voice demands after the kiss breaks off.

"Kissing Emma and liking it." He challenges, just to prove he's a man.

"I'm not Emma." Longshot glares as he pushes Gambit away.

"Damn!" Gambit curses as he goes in search of a way to take away the tingle of man lips off his mouth.

What none of them realized was that there was no party. Jean and Logan just created this all in everybody elses minds to cut down on the grocery bill. Except the whole getting knocked up thing while she wasn't looking, but Wolverine did that.

Moral of the story, If you have to resort to reading this to burn off holiday tension, you're married to the wrong in-laws. Take a vacation somewhere with your spouse. Whether you bring your spouse back is your own business.


End file.
